It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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