i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
