So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
