She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
