Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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