she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
