yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
