If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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