i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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