its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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