im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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