We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
