Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
