just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
