a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
