break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize