His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
