So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
