so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
