haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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