you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize