Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
