Sponge bath it is.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
