did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
