So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
