Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
