oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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