Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
