We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
