I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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