I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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