I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
