Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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