Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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