Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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