I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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