Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize