Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
