is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
