FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
barbara walters just said penis...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
