yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
