can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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