did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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