i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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