Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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