No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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