Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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