Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
