I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
