First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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