In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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