My sheets look like a crime scene.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize