i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You ruined the universe
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
