i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
