YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
