he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
