Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
