New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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