end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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