One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
