I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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