so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
zippers are such a cool invention
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
