In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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