The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
