I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
