we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
birth control should be required to get into college
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
