After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
