walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize