I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
