John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
