Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
