I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
