I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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