Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
