I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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