Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
