I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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