Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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