OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
