just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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