I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You made out with two different species that night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
