Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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