I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just tell him i said nine months
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
