Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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