Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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