K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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