I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize