Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
