Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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