gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
