You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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