We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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