I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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