I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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