So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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