I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
