i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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