a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
