So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
