I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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