I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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