Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
smell my finger.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
