Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
