Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
