what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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