Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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