you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
